I’m smoking too much again. I cut back really well for a while but I just keep buying weed and I’m smoking all day so then I run out and keep buying more… I just bought an eighth of good shit … Fuck. Whatever. I’m just going to cut back seriously next week and the week after, and stop smoking so much on weekends.
Ok. It will be okay.
Well, the inevietable happened. And no, I didn’t get arrested or caught.
Since my brother started smoking weed, I knew the day would come that I would get in trouble for something he did. But, come on, he’s only been smoking for two months and I’m already in trouble?
Mom cleans his room, finds a bowl, assumes it’s mine, I get yelled at… And then I told her it’s not mine, and she looked at me strangely.
The urge to fuck that guy has passed. We were hanging out last night and he played the guitar for me and I realized how corny that was, how much of a move that was; I was totally turned off by him.
I’m home alone for the week. Woo.
The urge to cheat haas been incredible. Not really to cheat, but to have sex. I want to have sex so badly right now… I won’t see my boyfriend til Friday, and that’s not that far away, but goddamn would I want to fuck this guy I’ve been hanging out with. I can’t stop thinking about how he told me, “I like to inflict pain.“ I didn’t respond with what I was thinking, because I might have jumped on him… What I was thinking was, That’s good, I like to take pain. Ugh. That’s why I fucked the soldier in Israel, because he was so sexy and wasn’t afraid to throw me around. I feel quite guilty for cheating… I have to break up with my boyfriend. And I really want to have sex with more people. Just experience more.
Ugh I must be a man… I’m so horny all the time.
Ok. So. I’m sitting here, right, in my kitchen, smoking my new bowl (as yet unnamed). It’s little and cute. I got it yesterday. It hits nice. $15.
The big plan for today? Get high and go see Harry Potter. I gotta finish smoking now, because my tickets are for 12:30 and I need to get there. Peace.
I’m high now. But it has been a long time, hasn’t it? I was gone for a while… I just got back from Israel, which was amazing, you should go. The end of the semester was uneventful, and I worked every day for the entire month of May and part of June until I left for Israel, I smoked a bunch but my life was pretty much stagnant.
And then I went to Israel. I didn’t smoke at all while I was there, although I had the opportunity a few times. I drank most nights, which is different for me, but mostly I just drank wine – uch, Israel has such fantastic wine – and had a good time. I don’t know if I feel like writing about all that. But I did have sex with a sexy Israeli soldier, and effectively causing me to become the catalyst for destruction in my relationship, which was really going well. But… oh well.
Last night I smoked up with my newest smoking buddy, and we just sat outside until 3:15 talking – or rather, I talked until 3:15 and he listened to me. I can’t believe how much I talked. I wish I hadn’t. He’s really sexy, too. I… I can’t think like that, there’s going to be too much tension. I told him we should fuck if I find myself single. Is that weird? Yeah… Haha oh well.
So, my bowl just broke. My beautiful glass bowl my boyfriend bought me this summer before we got back together just broke. I’m really upset.
Two days in a row, I shirk responsibility to be Ms Social Butterfly. I went to a barbecue last night and got nicely high, but fucking God, I should have been writing a goddamn paper or two… or seven. And then today! Fucking fucking fuck! It’s Greek Week, we had tug of war and dodgeball, and then I went to my friend’s apartment and got high. I came home and passed out. Now it’s 9:10 and I have work to do but blahhhhh.
FUCK I HATE MYSELF.
I was desperate, so I smoked some stems topped with keef scraped out of a bag. Oh well.
Greek Week starts Monday, it should be a good time. I’m endlessly busy, though, and haven’t had time to dedicate towards planning much, yet somehow have still been nominated for president of Inter-Greek Council. I declined, as I … I’ve already got ONE presidency on the table for next semester and a sixteen-credit semester ahead of me, plus I plan on having a job, so I really don’t have time to stress over another organization, particularly one as dysfunctional as our IGC. I mean, I’ve definitely thought about it, for later on. Maybe after my sorority presidency… But I also plan on being pledgemom. Well, no one says I can’t be both.
I got serenaded by the pledges of our brother fraternity the other day, it was adorable. They have this one day, Flower Day, where their pledges have to walk around giving specific girls flowers, and then they have to get on their knees and serenade them. It made my day!
So, how did I forget to write about my national holiday, as one of my friends called it? Well, truth is, I probably forgot to write because I was pretty burned out from the celebrating. Friday was, as we all know, April 20th, 4-20, the Stoner’s Day of Worship in other words. This was my first 4-20 that I actually intended to do something, also, so I was kind of looking forward to it.
Thursday morning I boarded a train to go see my boyfriend, I went up for his fraternity’s date party. I enjoy such things. Even though I don’t drink, I like getting dressed up and looking hot. And I like his friends when they’re drunk, except for a handful that get too touchy-feely. Also, some girls from the chapter of my sorority up there always are around, so it’s nice to see them and have some “sisterly bonding.” My boyfriend got drunk, and I like that for when we fuck. He gets rough.
We left the bar around eleven and grabbed some pizza, and made it home in time for midnight at 4-20. We were in bed, naked, when I looked at the clock and saw what time it was.
Suddenly, crash, crash, crash, crash, each boy threw open his bedroom door and screamed into the hall, “HAPPY FOUR-TWENTY!” With multiple exclamation points.
Bowls were packed, lit, smoked to mark the occasion. My boyfriend and I then had unbelievable sex, and then he rolled over and passed out in a drunken stupor. I couldn’t sleep and kept trying to wake him up by jerking him off, bad judgement on my part but oh well. I eventually rolled over and went to bed too.
We woke up in the morning, smoked a bowl, got in the shower, then split a pot brownie before we headed out to run a few errands. The weather was beautiful! The best day of the year up to that point. We went to his job so he could pick up his paycheck, then we headed to the grocery store to grab some sustainence for the rest of the day. I was very satisfied with my choice of Ben&Jerry’s Vanilla Heath Bar Crunch, being that B&J’s has the best vanilla, and I love Heath. We headed to his dealer’s to pick up. His dealer smoked us up, then we went back to my boyfriend’s frat house where (and excuse the cliche imagery) the rest of the day passed in a haze of marijuana smoke. At least sixty people must have come through the house that day to smoke. Most stayed for at least a few hours. There were people everywhere, bodies in the halls, bodies in the rooms, in the kitchen, on the porches, even on the roof enjoying the sun. In between the noise of dozens of chattering voices, one could distinctly discern the sounds of coughing from a considerably large hit, the barking of their Rottweiler who was overexcited from the amount of people (but she soon quieted down, she got high as well), and the constant playlist of Sublime, Dave Matthews, and 311. How fucking cliche. My boy and I ended up confining ourselves to his room for hours at a time, smoking and having sex. We had another brownie at 4:20, and honestly, I can’t really remember much about the rest of the day.
Woke up Saturday, got blazed out of my mind, got on the train, came home, and then had an intense sorority night. But that’s another story for another night.
